his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
