...so i touched it.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
