i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
