I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
