1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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