This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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