I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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