if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
