Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
