He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize