Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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