Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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