maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm like, not good at living.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
