its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
