i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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