My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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