I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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