Where is the hickey?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
