Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
