If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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