I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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