Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It was like giving head to a cactus.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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