dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
