three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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