like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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