I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
