My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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