btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
