Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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