God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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