I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
