I wish I could punch you in the face.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
