fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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