On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
