oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
