I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
