one might say we're banned from that church
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
