so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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