If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
