She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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