dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
