Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
