apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
