i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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