go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
