kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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