I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
