He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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