I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
