We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
