Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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