HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
