its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
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