He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
