bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize