My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
