I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
