Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
