He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize