dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
