Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
