only you would photoshop your dick
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
