Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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