gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
