cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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