Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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