PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
