I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
