Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Small penises have feelings too.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
