By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
