hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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