Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
