He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
