and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
