i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think a kid would responsible me up
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
