just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
