Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
