how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
