i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
