matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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