omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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