I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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