Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
