Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
