oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
