I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
