oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
