A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
