By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
