nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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