so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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