Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
