I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
