Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
