I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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