Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
