paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
