she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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