Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
