she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
BRING THE BAGELS
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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