I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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