thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
