i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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