Define "chronic" masturbator.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
