Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
