Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
