this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
