Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
be right there i have to get my cape
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
